Getting Out Finally . . .

I had hired a woman to come today to clean up my yard and I didn't realize Social Security had grabbed what was left of Mother's money.  So all I had left was my paycheck which covered the contract but now I can't pay my credit card bills or get the new tv I wanted till next payday.  I have to go tomorrow and get dog food and canned cat food.  I'll get some more of those bagged meals I still have some pizza and some roasts and mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and canned vegetables.  I need to eat better, more veggies.  I went today to Schlotzsky's thinking I'd get one of their fabulous reubens, but alas they don't have them so I got a turkey club and wouldn't you know it they put onions on the goddamned thing.  My eating out days are coming to a close pretty quick ... it's not necessary to put skanky onion on every goddamned thing out there.  I'll just cook for myself.

Anyway thank the Gods I'd gotten all the bills paid besides the credit cards so I'm pretty scott free this month.  Will begin anew next month and see how I fare.  I won't ask you know who for handouts.

It's been raining all day, pretty hard for a while there it's very cool.  I'm cold as a matter of fact but won't shut off the air conditioner, it will warm up too much.  Very comfortable.  I'm being terrorized by a tiny tiger that has taken over my desk.  She is so obnoxious.

I have to get my PC set back up in here I don't know if it still works or not they knocked it off Mom's desk about 3 times I finally laid it flat so tomorrow I am going to try to clear some space and get it back in here.  I have to wait for daylight.

Having to wait for a soda to thaw so I can eat my other sandwich and take my allergy med.

1st Day Back and We Get Drunks ...

So last night was my first night back at work since Mom's passing and wouldn't you know it ... drunks.  First was a couple that went to blows, we had to call the cops.  Second was about 4 people one extremely vulgar loud mouthed hobag making a spectacle.  Unless they started throwing stuff we couldn't do anything.  Blissfully they finally left and the night quieted down.

Today is hot and miserable as it is with summers in southeast Texas.  I'm contemplating a writing schedule and about to go back to work on my novel.  I'm hoping to have my little bistro set put together tomorrow, I am going to be way short on money I have to pay back my friend that helped me get my uniform and stuff to start work in and we have bills, but I think I'll have one month of Mother's social security I can pay the bills with that.  I'll find out at midnight tonight.  Anyway on to bigger and better things, like, cooling off somehow.

Grief . . .

Mother died on June 24th around 6:45 p.m. here at home, suddenly and unexpectedly.  It was the most traumatic thing I've ever lived through.  I will never get it out of my mind.  Her funeral and internment was this morning, and blessedly brief.  She had a very small turnout and got few flowers.  I am heartbroken I've lost my mother but she is no longer miserable and is in a better place.  In that I find peace.

It's still very hot, the air conditioner I'd bought for Mom's room I put in here, and at night it is better, during the day not so much.  I'm hoping for a better environment soon but that remains to be seen.  One thing is I can simply spend more time outside and that's good.  I'm thinking we might have lost Snoopy he's not in the yard and not coming when I call, I think he's taking up at someone else's house on 3rd street.  But I can't help it I can't contain him.

Pain . . .

I have been waking up with the worst back pain.  My back hurts normally because of my job but should stop hurting as I lie down and sleep and usually does but lately I've been waking with horrible back pain.  It's back again today.  I hope it subsides.  I don't know if I work tonight I have to stop at the store when I'm in town and ask to see the schedule.  I'm tired of calling up there and there be rude people.  Sick of it.

All Kinds of Problems . . .

First and foremost I cannot get paid because as a former employee of my current employer I cannot get a new paycard and of COURSE I destroyed the old one after I quit.  NOW I have to see if my boss will give me a temporary pay card to cover the one I lost.  It's a process and I hope it works out, I need my money!  THEN I go to WalMart to get a new pair of pants because I didn't get a chance to wash the ones I have and the ones I wanted OF COURSE they were out of so I bought the only pair in a size conceivably big enough and I'm pretty sure they won't fit so I'm going to be so screwed tonight.  But laundry tomorrow no matter how tired and sore I am.

Otherwise I think things are going ok still waiting on the admissions to call me about Mom, they need to hurry.  She has started to fret about being left here alone at night which pisses me off.  But ... what can I do I will not leave this job on that account, she'll just have to deal.

Panic . . .

I today got the last details sent to the nursing home where mother will spend the rest of her days.  If they don't hurry and admit her, I don't know what is going to happen with my job.  All of a sudden she is in a panic about being left alone.  Thank the GODS I have 3 days off straight after tonight and they SHOULD have her admitted in a couple of days.  Then to tend to the OTHER thorn in my side.  But we'll see, that is about to come to a head as well ... I've had enough.

Work is going well.  Blogsters don't know yet but I got a job about a week ago at WhatABurger.  I work nights and though the work is overtly tiring due to my age and weight, it's not such a bad way to make a living.  A lot of the people are warming to me and I'm trying not to be such a weirdo but so many people have NOTHING in common with me it's best I stay quiet.  But we get along and sometimes have a laugh.  I get free food and all the water (or soda, I just opt for water because I need it) I can drink.  Can't top that, right?  And it's WhatABurger, the best food in town!

All Things In Their Time . . .

For better or worse life is changing for me starting tomorrow.  I start a job and I start trying to fix everything that's broken.  My home, my autonomy, my life, even the remains of my Mother's life.  Were I left on my own this would be accomplished in short, obtainable goals.  But now the Intruder has come on the scene and is making things harder again.  I was feeling wonderful about the future now I feel like shit again.  But even as this black cloud descends, I think of alternative paths.  When the time comes, I will take one.  This in it's own time.