Winter Go Away!

Cannot tell you how sick of winter I am.  Cold all the time raining most days muddy when it's not because it won't stop raining long enough to dry out.  Come back summer I won't complain anymore!  I used to live for winter but I guess as we age the cold hurts more, plus I don't have adequate heat so it's really bad for me.

I have a lot of plans for the spring planting, a lot of vegetables.  Flowers everywhere.  Lots of digging.  I don't care how hot it gets.  Just so it warms up.

Flattened . . .

Thought I was going to be called in to work last night, wasn't so I intended to go to sleep early but didn't, not until 5 a.m..  Didn't get up today until after 4 p.m. and was going to go to the store to get some soda but couldn't make myself do it.  Hopefully tomorrow, and I do need to do laundry, if it doesn't rain.  We have rain chances just about daily for the next couple of weeks.

The kittens are getting closer to me, two of them slept with me last night, Prissy all night Onyx most of the night.  Or day as it were.  I think the light company must have come out and fixed the security light it no longer blinks, that's good that was freaking annoying.

I had my first hot meal in a while tonight, a stroganoff hamburger helper.  It was good, I put the remainder in the freezer and will reheat tomorrow.  Maybe make a couple of sides with it.  I hope I have some more rutabagas.  Love those things.

I have a small container that I used to keep my pendulums in.  It's the size roughly of a small square Kleenex box.  All 4 kittens are crammed in there asleep.  The sucky thing about that is when my pendulums were in there, hence how I USED to keep them in there, they knocked it down and the dogs got the pendulums and my set of blue onyx runes.  I recovered 1 pendulum and 16 of the runes.  The rest are history.  I have replacements in my carts at Amazon and at DiscountNewAgeBooks.com but right now both orders are at $42 and I don't know when I'll be able to get them.  We'll see I am catching up some, made a lot of sacrifice.  Full coverage on the auto insurance, Hulu and Netflix, but we'll see I'll persevere.

Lessening the Chaos . . .

Going to work on my days off up coming to lessen some of the chaos around here.  I have to see the phone company about my cable/internet and the light company about my security light, it blinks which is unnerving.  I think my company is about to get me more hours they are starting to cross train me so I'm useful in any area so that will certainly help.  Especially drive through.  We'll see.  I should have a fairly good check this time so I should get somewhat caught up.  Going to try very hard.

The 4 little monsters are growing I have to start feeding them Mom is about to start weaning I'm sure.  Gotta get some kitten food tho.

Need to go now and feed the brood then get ready for work.  Hope the night goes well, it's going to be a long one.

Tired of This . . .

Haven't slept well the last few days I tried to go to bed and the animals are determined to keep me up.  The kittens no longer want to stay on the desk when they get on the floor the dogs bother them.  One of my larger dogs suddenly hates one of my chihuahuas and keeps violently attacking her.  Tonight she hurt her.  So now I have to relegate the larger dog to the yard so I'll be losing her I can't contain her and I know she won't stay home but I can't let her kill this little dog.  I am so fed up with the chaos in this house.  Until I get it cleared I'll have no peace and I am going insane.  I'll start working on it as soon as I can.  In the meantime I HAVE to get some damned sleep!

Getting Moving . . .

Thought I'd kickstart writing again this evening after I get the dogs/cats fed.  Last night I had another dream featuring my mentor Stephen King.  Don't remember enough of it to add it to the dream blog but it was interesting.  I thought I'd start something new, just a short story to get the juices flowing.  I do need to start reading more I've not cracked a book in a long time.  Mother wouldn't allow it.  2 Kings to read and a shit ton of fantasy.  I'll work on it I have a lot of good habits to get back into.  I'm already starting to cook for myself, no fast food (can't afford it).  Got some lovely food storage sets for when I can get more food into the house.  I have to clean out my freezer and my refrigerator.  Lots of science experiments in there.

Raining and Cooler . . .

Which is nice, but, it has to stop by 3:30 so I can go pick up my new purse, wallet and comforter.  Apparently we're in for a lot of rain over the next 10 days which would be nice.  The cooler weather certainly is.

Still trying to get to McD's to start my day job, just can't get myself up in time.  I was actually up earlier today but honestly I'm about to lie back down again.  I don't know about my future, it is awful glum right now.

Preparing for Job Hunt . . .

I have to go tomorrow and look for another job.  Starting at McD's and onward to other places.  I have to go pay on my camera but I'll wait until the day it's due to pay it so I don't have to worry about it the first of the month, but I need to get it out somehow.  I want it out by October.

It's been hot and stuffy all day.  Lolly seems to be doing better she's still really whiney but she's fat and she's strong.  She is eating.  Her mother keeps putting her head in her mouth that pisses me off.  She's sleeping right now.

Gotta work tonight I hope I get my full 4 hours but I have a suspicion my manager has got it in for me now and wants me out.  I don't know why I do what I'm supposed to do I show up on time and every shift can't imagine what the problem is other than people fucking suck which I've known for quite some time now.

Sick of Summer . . .

I am so sick of summer I cannot tolerate the heat.  But tolerate it I do, what else am I going to do?  Right now I'm washing clothes.  Had a full washer.  Tomorrow will try to get up early and hit the jobhunt trail, McD's first.  I'll probably go place to place to see if anyone will talk to me about work.  Domino's, Popeyes, Subway.  Anyone.  It's going to be hot, I have that cross to bear.

In October my friend and I are planning a trip to Houston's Pagan Pride day.  That will be fun I think but it will still be hot.  Doesn't really cool off here till November.  But I'm yearning to get out.  I'm going to get my camera out of hock this next payday I'll figure a way to do that.  I want it back.

Thank Gods All Is Well . . .

Got home tonight and the bin the kittens had been in had been turned over and knocked off the table.  I couldn't see the kittens anywhere.  Finally heard them cry, noticed my monitor had been moved forward and looked and they had been moved there.  I don't know what I'll do with them from now on but I have to do something to make sure they are alright while I'm gone.  I'm off the next two days and in those days I have to look for a day job.  But for tonight I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.

Last Straw . . .

We had to get a certificate for food handlers to continue to work at the restaurant.  I got that and drove all over town trying to get it printed out, the usb cord is out on my printer.  Finally got it done for free at the library.  I dropped it off at work and looked at the schedule for this week, hoping for more hours but was sadly disappointed.  So tomorrow morning off I go to McDonald's to see if I can get some day hours to stave off starvation.  Should they hire me and I make more hours there I might kill off WhatABurger and just stick with Mc.  We'll see.

Too Much Wine . . .

Got my head all fuzzy and making me eat weird stuff.  I have a pizza heating but had some on it's own turkey breast (rather than in a sandwich).  Foregoing soda until the pizza is done then will chase ibuprofen to ward off the inevitable hangover.

I'm pleased to see Travel Channel is playing decent ghost shows again.  A Haunting, My Haunted House, Haunted Things.  Awesome hope it's like forever.  Love these shows.  I believe, totally.  Though on some I do call bullshit.

Dead Day . . .

I slept late today, till 1 p.m. so mostly I've done nothing.  Rather than breakfast I drank a soda to wake up then had chicken stirfry for lunch.  Then finished the peanut butter in the jar.  It's been cloudy and rainy today, cooler, which I deeply appreciate.  I've been so bored but lax in doing anything, the heat makes me feel like a slug.

Thinking About It Again . . .

It's never far from my mind.  Reading Tarot for extra money, or for a living if it was successful.  All I lack is a place to do it.  I would insist on cash only, and would read maybe 4 - 5 people per day.  $20 - $25 each.  $10 for oracle readings or rune readings.  Would be nice.

But now I'm still grappling with the second job thing I cannot get myself to go there.  I guess I'll try again tomorrow morning since I was so lax on going today in spite of being awake at 9.  My instinct is to wait and see if I get more days next week.  The check I have coming should cover the bills I have left for this month and I can worry about next month's when it gets here.  We'll see, I'll meditate on it.

Another Bland Day . . .

Well, it started out bad, actually.  Starting at about 5 a.m. I had to pee so up I got and got it done and went back to sleep.  Since then every hour I've had to pee.  I guess because I've reintroduced caffeine back into my diet with morning coffee.  Sad though that is, the worst came when I woke the final time at 11 a.m..  The cat had knocked my speakers off the desk they were just hanging there and had knocked my mouse off and the dogs had chewed the mouse off the cord AND one had gotten up on the desk and tore up an entire box of tissues.  Could have killed them.  Thank goodness I had a spare mouse and it works (so far).  I hope for great change in the fall.  Counting on it. 

Today's plans are laundry only then work tonight.  I'll be off two days after today.  I have to go Thursday and see about a day job I don't want but have to get because the way it is I cannot continue with what little I make.

Struggling . . .

I still have 2 large bills due now and only enough money to pay 1 if I am going to be able to buy pet food.  I hope to hear from the auto insurance company on Monday and convince her to allow me to wait until the 14th to pay the auto insurance.  When I paid bills the 31st I did it wrong, I should have held my smaller bills to the second paycheck and paid the big ones first.  But I have faith it will all work out.  I have to buy pet food so I am just going to do it and the lady is just going to have to work with me.  Eventually a lot of this stuff I'm paying on will be paid off and I'll be more on easy street, it's just going to take a while to get there.

As usual it's hot today, we got a good rainstorm yesterday but not so lucky today.  They say starting tomorrow for 4 days we could get rain but we'll see how that actually goes.  I know my garden is happy and that makes me happy.  Everything doing well out there.  I'm glad.

The kittens I rescued are doing very well.  Onyx, the little black one I just picked up this morning to see about and he is just a little butterball.  I am so thrilled to have another black cat since Mydnyght disappeared a couple of years ago.  When he (or she I'm really not sure) is old enough I WILL do the neuter/spay to increase the probability he will stay home.  The others are adorable as well, another 2 calicos and a little black and white one which I will name Cookie.

New Babies, Autumn, Getting Back in Life . . .

Yesterday I was outside and heard kittens crying.  I looked over the rail and there was a tiny black kitten and I could hear another one on the other side of the trailer.  I picked up the black kitten and took it to the other side and looked under the trailer and saw a little calico.  I crawled under and got her and brought her and the black one in in a bin, putting them on an old shirt to keep them warm.  I knew Candi was the one who birthed them so I put her in with them and she began to nurse them (thank goodness!)  I didn't see or hear any more.  This morning I was out again and heard kittens crying.  Looked under the trailer and found another calico and farther up found a little black and white one. I HOPE that is all of them.  I reunited them with their mother and she is being a good mom and nursing them.

Though it's still overtly warm, it is not as hot as before.  Nights are very pleasant.  This morning I made my first pot of coffee in over 2 months and WOW ... the caffeine rush after 2 cups was invigorating!  But perhaps our cooldown is about to begin I surely hope so.  I'm feeling more like doing things and I hope to do more stuff as time goes on and the weather permits.  Right now I'm just living day to day and enjoying each one as I can.

Summertime . . .

So goddamned hot.  Over 100 degrees.  For like the next 4 days. I'm so tired of it I can't believe how miserable I am.  I can't look forward to a trailer if I even get one till the fall.  My luck man I tell you.  Before dark I need to get out and water my garden I'd like to see it thrive if I can.

I'm off work till Saturday night, then off again Sunday, go back on Monday.  I'd like to quit.  I hate that damned job. Looking for another one but good luck with that.

Getting Out Finally . . .

I had hired a woman to come today to clean up my yard and I didn't realize Social Security had grabbed what was left of Mother's money.  So all I had left was my paycheck which covered the contract but now I can't pay my credit card bills or get the new tv I wanted till next payday.  I have to go tomorrow and get dog food and canned cat food.  I'll get some more of those bagged meals I still have some pizza and some roasts and mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and canned vegetables.  I need to eat better, more veggies.  I went today to Schlotzsky's thinking I'd get one of their fabulous reubens, but alas they don't have them so I got a turkey club and wouldn't you know it they put onions on the goddamned thing.  My eating out days are coming to a close pretty quick ... it's not necessary to put skanky onion on every goddamned thing out there.  I'll just cook for myself.

Anyway thank the Gods I'd gotten all the bills paid besides the credit cards so I'm pretty scott free this month.  Will begin anew next month and see how I fare.  I won't ask you know who for handouts.

It's been raining all day, pretty hard for a while there it's very cool.  I'm cold as a matter of fact but won't shut off the air conditioner, it will warm up too much.  Very comfortable.  I'm being terrorized by a tiny tiger that has taken over my desk.  She is so obnoxious.

I have to get my PC set back up in here I don't know if it still works or not they knocked it off Mom's desk about 3 times I finally laid it flat so tomorrow I am going to try to clear some space and get it back in here.  I have to wait for daylight.

Having to wait for a soda to thaw so I can eat my other sandwich and take my allergy med.

1st Day Back and We Get Drunks ...

So last night was my first night back at work since Mom's passing and wouldn't you know it ... drunks.  First was a couple that went to blows, we had to call the cops.  Second was about 4 people one extremely vulgar loud mouthed hobag making a spectacle.  Unless they started throwing stuff we couldn't do anything.  Blissfully they finally left and the night quieted down.

Today is hot and miserable as it is with summers in southeast Texas.  I'm contemplating a writing schedule and about to go back to work on my novel.  I'm hoping to have my little bistro set put together tomorrow, I am going to be way short on money I have to pay back my friend that helped me get my uniform and stuff to start work in and we have bills, but I think I'll have one month of Mother's social security I can pay the bills with that.  I'll find out at midnight tonight.  Anyway on to bigger and better things, like, cooling off somehow.

Grief . . .

Mother died on June 24th around 6:45 p.m. here at home, suddenly and unexpectedly.  It was the most traumatic thing I've ever lived through.  I will never get it out of my mind.  Her funeral and internment was this morning, and blessedly brief.  She had a very small turnout and got few flowers.  I am heartbroken I've lost my mother but she is no longer miserable and is in a better place.  In that I find peace.

It's still very hot, the air conditioner I'd bought for Mom's room I put in here, and at night it is better, during the day not so much.  I'm hoping for a better environment soon but that remains to be seen.  One thing is I can simply spend more time outside and that's good.  I'm thinking we might have lost Snoopy he's not in the yard and not coming when I call, I think he's taking up at someone else's house on 3rd street.  But I can't help it I can't contain him.

Pain . . .

I have been waking up with the worst back pain.  My back hurts normally because of my job but should stop hurting as I lie down and sleep and usually does but lately I've been waking with horrible back pain.  It's back again today.  I hope it subsides.  I don't know if I work tonight I have to stop at the store when I'm in town and ask to see the schedule.  I'm tired of calling up there and there be rude people.  Sick of it.

All Kinds of Problems . . .

First and foremost I cannot get paid because as a former employee of my current employer I cannot get a new paycard and of COURSE I destroyed the old one after I quit.  NOW I have to see if my boss will give me a temporary pay card to cover the one I lost.  It's a process and I hope it works out, I need my money!  THEN I go to WalMart to get a new pair of pants because I didn't get a chance to wash the ones I have and the ones I wanted OF COURSE they were out of so I bought the only pair in a size conceivably big enough and I'm pretty sure they won't fit so I'm going to be so screwed tonight.  But laundry tomorrow no matter how tired and sore I am.

Otherwise I think things are going ok still waiting on the admissions to call me about Mom, they need to hurry.  She has started to fret about being left here alone at night which pisses me off.  But ... what can I do I will not leave this job on that account, she'll just have to deal.

Panic . . .

I today got the last details sent to the nursing home where mother will spend the rest of her days.  If they don't hurry and admit her, I don't know what is going to happen with my job.  All of a sudden she is in a panic about being left alone.  Thank the GODS I have 3 days off straight after tonight and they SHOULD have her admitted in a couple of days.  Then to tend to the OTHER thorn in my side.  But we'll see, that is about to come to a head as well ... I've had enough.

Work is going well.  Blogsters don't know yet but I got a job about a week ago at WhatABurger.  I work nights and though the work is overtly tiring due to my age and weight, it's not such a bad way to make a living.  A lot of the people are warming to me and I'm trying not to be such a weirdo but so many people have NOTHING in common with me it's best I stay quiet.  But we get along and sometimes have a laugh.  I get free food and all the water (or soda, I just opt for water because I need it) I can drink.  Can't top that, right?  And it's WhatABurger, the best food in town!

All Things In Their Time . . .

For better or worse life is changing for me starting tomorrow.  I start a job and I start trying to fix everything that's broken.  My home, my autonomy, my life, even the remains of my Mother's life.  Were I left on my own this would be accomplished in short, obtainable goals.  But now the Intruder has come on the scene and is making things harder again.  I was feeling wonderful about the future now I feel like shit again.  But even as this black cloud descends, I think of alternative paths.  When the time comes, I will take one.  This in it's own time.

The Magic of Waiting . . .

I was sitting outside calling for Snoopy to come home.  I stopped for a few minutes and just watched the wind blow through the trees.  Smelling the freshness of the rain fueled air and wondering on the steps I need to take to accomplish some of the goals I've set for myself over the upcoming week.  I looked down and magically, Snoopy was quietly sitting beside me watching the trees as I was.  I petted and praised him for coming to me and promised him a chicken breast if he'd come in.  He did so he got his treat.  Next time maybe he'll come to me a little quicker to get his treat!  Though it won't always be chicken breast, we simply had 2 left over from a chicken dinner gone by.  I gave the other to the mother-to-be Annie to get her into the house.  All are snug as bugs in rugs now so let the rain pour.  We're sound now.

10 Days to MayDay . . .

Hoping things improve next month around the house it's been a trial to stay sane lately.  I'm thinking of the future and trying to work up a plan but it's hard when others are involved that are so in the way.  But it hasn't been too bad and hopefully in days to come it will be better, maybe by November.  We'll see.

Gearing Up for Pay Day . . .

Such a pain in the arse Mother will NOT wait for anything.  She gets it into her head she's going to do something if someone has to DIE she's going to do it.  We need to wait until we get paid to have our car looked at but nothing do her but call the guy NOW to see if he will come look at it.  He doesn't NEED to come look at it a professional has TOLD us what's wrong with it he just needs to come out and FIX it but he can't DO that until we get PAID but she will not wait.  And I know the whole thing is boiling down to her wanting fast food.  We've only eaten out a couple of times this month because the car has been broken down, frankly, I feel better than I have in a while getting some veggies in me and eating lighter.  NEWSFLASH MOM when the car is repaired we are still going to be mostly cooking.  I'm sick of fried chicken.

The Rain Has Stopped . . .

It's a lot warmer now and wouldn't you know the air conditioner in the living room is having problems.  The connector got wet and until it dries out the machine won't come on so we're in a pickle there because it irritates an already irritated Mother.  But we'll persevere.  Just waiting on payday to get this month underway and get things rolling to be a tad happier in a few areas.  The garden will give me much peace and I'm going to try to get Mother involved somehow not sure how yet.  But really, it's' a space for me to be on my own, in my own mind, earthing, grounding, being one with nature and spirit.  So we'll see.  Lots happening this year, I'm hoping, lots good.

NASCAR Has Returned!!!

So last Sunday, and Thursday, and tonight racing ensued.  I don't normally watch the Truck series but I did tonight I knew it was coming on and there was nothing else on so I figgered what the hell.  It was a good race, Sauter won, a driver I do like so there's that.  Tomorrow is the first Xfinity series race cannot wait for that and Sunday is the Daytona 500 and if I'm interrupted for THAT I may have to kill someone.

Otherwise life is as life is, a big steady bummer.  I have a lot I want to do tomorrow around watching the race I hope to get a good bit accomplished.  It's a lot of work though and I've been in rather foul humor of late.

I'm so looking forward to getting my seeds started.  I'm still waiting on an order from Breck's I ordered some toad lily bulbs FINALLY.  Next order will be Bletilla orchid as mine has been murdered most effectively by my fucking dogs (I think).  I also have like $70 worth of plants at Wayside Gardens in my cart.  Better start paying up these credit cards, huh?  And I SWORE I wouldn't buy plants this year, just work with my seed.  Methinks I lied.

Things Are Starting To Wear On Me . . .

Nothing is acceptable about my life.  I need two things I find it so hard to come by:  strength and courage.  But I'm working on it.  Once I get going I will be fine but it's taking that first step, doing that one thing ... that is stopping me.  But it's a hurdle and hurdles can be mastered.  There is one thing I do possess.  Determination to make the positive changes I need to make.  Some are easy, it's the hard ones that are getting me, but these too shall be trampled before too long.  I just have to find the courage of my convictions and take that first major step.  Nothing will ever change if I don't and for the better everything will change when I do.

Freaking Cold . . .

It is so cold.  Below freezing lows for six days straight.  I am personally very tired of it.  I hope it ends soon.  I know we will have it to deal with throughout February, but should be seeing more 60-70 degree highs more often.  Enough of this freezing crap and they are saying now one morning we will have a 'wintry mix' to contend with.  I used to love cold weather but now it can suck a nut I'm sick of it and just want it warm again.

Another New Year . . .

I don't really do resolutions but I do think in new years we should strive to do better than our last.  I'm striving to get out more and move more and be just an overall better person.  I also will strive to stay out of chat as much as possible and work in more creative endeavors.  But it's a rough beginning to the year so I cleave to negative things.  I'll do better.  As the temperatures rise I'll feel more like doing more.  Today was nice, a walk to the mailbox (1/4 mile distance) was refreshing and soul cleansing.  I will do that daily.  Question is how to keep the dogs home.